Is intuition or fear making this decision?

Recently I was at my doctor’s office for <<reason not important>>. When I arrived, the receptionist informed me that they had flu shots available and asked if I wanted to get one during my appointment.

It’s important at this point to make sure you understand my relationship with needles. Which is, I don’t like them. My dislike peaked with an experience of fainting, falling, getting a concussion, and temporarily not breathing.

So, fair, yes?

Ever since that episode, 16+ years ago, I have required a buddy to hold my hand and distract me while getting a shot or having blood drawn. I am that person who gets taken behind the special curtain and given a special bed and a special box of juice in order to have my shot. That is who I am.

So when the receptionist casually asked if I want a flu shot, right then and there, with no special preparation, no buddy to hold my hand and drive me home, my first thought was Not On Your Life, Lady. But I said Yes because my deep love of efficiency (I don’t have to make a special trip!) temporarily over-rode my fear. And also 16 years of not fainting have given me hope that I Can Do It.

BUT, while waiting for my name to be called, I had plenty of time to let my fear back in and consider cancelling the flu shot. Here were my Very Excellent arguments:

~~ I might faint.

Fair, but time and bravery have given me a different possibility.

~~ I’m not wearing the right shirt.

I kid you not, the Shirt Argument almost won. It was a long-sleeve mock neck shirt, the kind you can’t easily roll up. I’ve had a nurse scold me for wearing a needle-unfriendly shirt.

In that moment, the Shirt Argument seemed like a legit reason to cancel the flu shot. But I caught myself and realized that this was actually fear talking, not logic.

When you are avoiding something uncomfortable or hard or fearful, your Over Protector can come up with all kinds of reasons that seem valid. A really clear way to discern whether this is Fear talking, or wisdom from your Soul, is whether you are moving away from something you fear, or moving toward something you value.

I was letting my fear make the decision. This was about avoiding something I was afraid of, not moving toward something I wanted.

And that is a clear indicator that I was letting my Over Protector drive, instead of my wise and intuitive Soul.